Selfish to a Degree

When selflessness goes too far

History often teaches us that selfishness is bad and that we should avoid it. Yet far less attention is given to the damage caused by unchecked selflessness.

Extreme selflessness is when a person gets so invested in others that their very self begins to fade away.

We see this in our family, friends, and co-workers - people who are so invested in meeting the needs of others that they neglect their own.

This is a silent and deadly threat that, in a way, kills oneself.

Heck, you may even be a victim of this. I sure was.

Reinforced Selflessness

We’re taught to be selfless from a young age. To steward our time, money, and energy for the sake of others.

What about the times where we’re the ones who need help? Those moments where we’re busy, broke, or tired, yet we give anyway because we’ve been taught to.

This may seem like a selfish question, but if you don’t consider yourself, you will remain trapped in a cycle of self-depletion until there’s nothing left to give.

There are times when your family asks for another favour, your friends want to make plans, and your boss asks you to stay late.

Before you commit yourself, you must consider the state of these three resources. If you say yes while depleted, you enter into a debt that you yourself must pay back.

There have been many times where I’ve said yes despite having nothing left to give. Instead of giving out of joy, I was giving out of perseverance and obligation. Eventually, it reached a point where I had to step back for extended periods to recover.

Regrets

Here are the top 5 deathbed regrets based on the works of Bonnie Ware:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

5. I wish I had let myself be happier

These regrets are the result of either prioritizing others too much or too little. The challenge is finding the balance between caring both for others and ourselves in a way that’s sustainable.

This is why it’s so important to be self-aware in these situations, because if we’re not, we may find ourselves reflecting on these same regrets later on.

Resolution

Selflessness can be just as harmful as selfishness. One harms you while the other harms those around you.

There’s no single method to balance the two, but understanding the consequences can help us make more careful decisions. One of those decisions is knowing when to give and when to set boundaries.

You don’t always have to say yes, because you’re allowed to say no.

Sure, people may be disappointed, but you need to keep yourself in mind too.

When you take care of yourself, you become more capable of taking care of others.

So be selfish, but be selfish to a degree.